Malicious

I like to think I am a very spiritual person. That doesn't mean I don't do wrong, I have made mistakes and will admit to it and make it right. But when I do, I feel everything through my soul. If I ever wrong someone, I will feel it.

I would not say I have ever been a malicious person. I don't set out to harm people. I don't seek revenge. I've had plenty of motive and opportunity but each time I chose to be the bigger person and walk away. I may have bitched an moaned a little, but ultimately I left it alone and meditated.

Although, I have been accused of being crazy and malicious. I hear unsubstantiated claims, accusations without merit, but I don't ever hear how they feel. Just because I show anger doesn't mean somewhere in the back of my mind I am calculating my next move to hurt someone. That's not me, I've proven that time and time again. Most times I just ignore the person, write them out of my life and just not care.

I've owned up to my mistakes where I may have lost my composure. But any of my anger issues I may have had are in regards to losing my temper too quickly or when the situation doesn't warrant it. If I get angry in response to fighting for what I believe in, that's not an issue - that's a natural and healthy response. Some people get confused about that and want to call me about about getting angry. I won't apologize for standing for what I believe in.

I realize now I cannot be around weak people. My personality is too strong for them and they misunderstand my intentions. I challenge them to get them to own up to their words, but most fall into an endless tirade against my character. Plus I let their plights get to the very heart of me. I have to take a stand and release them from my soul otherwise I stand to get destroyed my very self.

Some would like to believe I am this evil malicious person, but my actions show otherwise. Those same people are too afraid to come to my face and tell me so, because deep inside their hearts, they know they are wrong about me. I am a complex human being and as much as they would like to see me fall, I won't. I'm too strong and believe in myself tremendously.

Any ill feelings they have towards me are only reflections of themselves. For some reason they have chosen to focus outwards at what is wrong rather than go inwards to nourish what is right. But it's really not my place to speculate beyond that, I can only care for myself.

Most times I just don't pay them any mind, although occasionally I must admit to caring what others think. Than I am reminded of a quote I shared with a friend:

Those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter.